CRUNT - formerly FRACTURED THERAPY

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Defining Intimacy

My godfather died last week. I went to his funeral today. He was a lawyer, a solicitor. The church was packed with lawyers. I was very uncomfortable being around so many lawyers - people whose profession trains them to put argument above caring. The lack of intimacy made the church seem refrigerated, even on a muggy Brisbane day. But for those who judge, it was a 'good' funeral, a 'proper' send-off.

Even though he was my godfather, I didn't know him at all. Made me think about my own two godchildren - I know them well enough, see them several times a month now that I live closer, but I could do better. Ask them out to lunch once in a while. Just on their own. Show a real and consistent interest in them as individuals and not just the children of friends.

I don't think my godfather really was interested in my like that. When I was a teenager and my family was going through shit, he never called me. But then no one else did either. Would have meant a lot for just one of those lawyers (and believe me, I was surrounded by them) to once ask a simple, decent human question like "How are you going through all this shit?". Just because I looked fine didn't mean I was. I was feeling like dying.

My godfather spoke at my 21st. He spoke well. It was that good he could have been speaking at my funeral. I can still remember the gist, unsurprisingly I suppose, as it was in my honour. How I had distinguished myself in three areas - Spiritually, Socially and Scholastically. The alliteration also made it easy to remember.

It's more than 21 years since I was 21. I can remember seeing my godfather only 2 times subsequently. Once by chance in Queen Street and then again at my father's 70th birthday. He was a lawyer so we weren't intimate. Or perhaps by a lawyer's definition we were.

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